20 Things To Do Before You Die

20 Things To Do Before You Die

1. Perform an abortion with only a hanger and some whiskey. For you, not her.
2. Do a drive by shooting with a bow and arrow.
3. Eat bacon in front of a cop and go “ Shit, is that your cousin?”
4. Ask a Wal Mart cashier for exact change and watch them struggle for 10 minutes.
5. Offer Lindsey Lohan a free meal and then watch her puke it up.
6. Call Jesus an overrated magician in the middle of church.
7. Go hunting with only a toothpick and a gummy bear.
8. Tell your kids that Santa isn’t real on Christmas Day.
9. Order a Big Mac in front of a PETA member, than laugh at them for not being able to enjoy it.
10. Threaten a school with weapons of mass destruction.
11. Set an orphanage on fire, than laugh because the kids are once again homeless.
12. Go into a Spanish Class and pretend to deport the teacher.
13. Ask an alcoholic to go “bowling” with his car.
14. Tell your wife she does look fat in that dress.
15. Kick Oprah in her ovaries.
16. Tell an Alzheimer’s patient your taking them out for ice cream, than leave them there.
17. Write a check in front of a homeless person, than tear it up in front of their face.
18. Call 911 and say that you killed someone with your lawn mower.
19. Go to a birthday party and steal all the presents.
20. Mug someone with a plastic utensil.